We always want something. Sometimes it is an object we want to buy, sometimes it is something we want to be able to do, sometimes it is a certain affection we wish to receive. Sometimes it is a certain way we want things to look like. For example, we want the cups to be placed in a certain way in the cupboard, etc. It doesn’t matter what the desire is. Are you able to observe what is standing behind this desire? Is there any identification or obsession behind it?
When there is an identification or an obsession behind that desire, we most likely won’t get what we want, since we are not focused anymore on the goal. In order to find the true reason behind our wish, one must be very clean and clear with oneself, and ask, why do I want it? Why do I need that? Do I really need that?
I believe we all had at least once in our life, some kind of obsession. I am lately observing the phenomena of OCD (https://iocdf.org/about-ocd/), and it is a very interesting behavior. Suddenly, I can see it more and more around me. I have started to research the phenomena and I found that throughout our life, as a kid, we do certain things obsessively or radically, simply to find the balance of how things should be and to understand what is OK and what is not. As a kid we perhaps made our parents very upset at one point, just to stretch the limit, and test how far we can go. Doing that, taught us what right behavior is and what is wrong behavior. One thing that can lead to OCD perhaps, is when a child is being disciplined by a very judgmental parent, and then as a grown-up, the child will be focusing on getting the correct feedback, rather than doing the right thing.
I see the ideal state in life at coordinate (0,0). I call it Neutral. No up, nor down, not right, nor left. It takes pulling from all edges of the graph, to be able to stay at this coordinate. Some people, who are still not at their coordinate (0,0), keep obsessively doing things because they didn’t find the reason or the way, or the path to get to coordinate (0,0). In fact, to be present at the moment, one needs to aim to this coordinate. It is a moment-to-moment struggle. When talking about OCD, it is on a completely different scale. And sometimes it can get very dramatic.
I saw this lady at the thrift store the other day, humming to herself a certain tune: “hmm-hm-hmm-hm, hmm-hm-hmm-hm, hmm-hm-hmm-hm” in a very repeated and obsessive way, along with positioning the store’s display items in a very specific way on the shelf, so as not to make any terrible mistake, as if they should be aligned with the earth’s coordinates. I am not pretending to be a certified psychologist or something close to that, but I am wondering if this is an advanced stage of OCD. I believe this lady was also self-deprecating for not doing her duty correctly. She kept humming this tune while walking to the cash register with me.
I felt so pity for this waste of her energy, and I wanted so much to tell her that it doesn’t have to be that way. It is all fine with her, and she doesn’t have to hum this tune or be so obsessive about the positions of the displayed items. But instead, I just took her attention away from this behavior and started talking to her about the casual subject of washing hands during the pandemic. She stopped humming this tune.
During the internal research, I asked myself how I recognize this behavior. As if I see something, it must be in me somehow to be able to recognize it. And I found that yes as a child, you experiment with these kinds of behaviors, as I mentioned above, and I was able to find one example in my past.
When I was a child every night before going to sleep I was praying to God and thanked him for everything I have. Later on, when I grew some more, I asked myself whether or not I can go to sleep without this prayer. I was testing myself. Luckily I didn’t have any need to pray or thank God, in order to fall asleep. I am not saying it is not a nice thing to do, to pray before going to sleep, but my ability to sleep was not depending on the prayer later on in my life.
One should feel if there is a fear behind the behavior, for example, if you think that something bad will happen to you or to your family if you won’t do that particular behavior. Observe if there is any negative energy behind this act.
To my understanding when you cannot stop it, that’s how OCD is starting to crystalize. One becomes a slave to this behavior. You do/talk/think undesirably, and you cannot control it, but it controls you. I think that with enough inner work and outside help, one can make it to stop, but first, one needs to be aware of this behavior, and the motivations behind his wishes.
When you find a good reason for your wish, make a plan for how to accomplish it. Make steps. If step number one doesn’t work as you planned, try to change it a bit, and be agile. Things will not go exactly as you had planned. It is great to have goals in life, and at the same time, follow your goal, and be flexible with the forms. Some things have their own pace and rhythm, and we need to be patient, or simply change the form. If we often find ourselves disappointed by the way things are, it is because we have lost the option to see what we want. In a way, we are already obsessed with the thing, so we are not able to observe the path.
What are your goals? Are you neutral about them?
