We didn’t choose to be born.
Since the first moment we came to this world, nobody had asked us if we want to be here. Since that moment we are following the daily rhythm and global laws and forces of the world, and trying to fulfill our tasks the best we can.
No one had ever asked me if I want to work constantly in order to provide to my kids or be a role model for them. No one had ever asked me whether or not I want to be a housewife or outwork. In some extreme scenarios, people encounter the decree of living with someone they didn’t even get to choose, like religious people for example, who get ‘Shidduch’.
When we look at our life from this point of view of no one asked us, we are becoming a victim to our own life. One can live a whole life as a victim of oneself. But there is surely another way to live. In all this craziness of life, we have the option to change our attitude towards our life and enjoy where we are and what we do. This is the power we have at most.
How do we do that?
A powerful method to recognize our ability to choose, as mentioned by Marshall Rosenberg , involves listing on a piece of paper all the activities in our life that we consider joyless. Write down everything you feel compelled to do, believing you have no other choice.
After you have listed these actions, clearly acknowledge to yourself that you are doing these things because you choose to do them, not because you have to do them and by that recognize your own resistance. After acknowledging your actions and that you have chosen to do a particular activity, find out the intention behind the thoughts, by adding: because I want…
For example, I choose to take that job because I have a family and I need to provide. Then figure out what is the real motivation behind this action. Is money the primary motivation? is it people’s feedback which is the primary motivation? There are few reasons why we do things in life, some of them are, money, rewards, avoid being punished, to avoid shame, judgment, or guilt. Which one is your motivation? Be true to yourself. If money is your primary motivation, consider exploring alternative ways to earn it. However, if you choose not to seek other methods, then honestly acknowledge to yourself that money is indeed your driving force. By doing so, you are recognizing and accepting your motivation.
After you acknowledged your motivation, find appreciation for what you do. If you become aware of the value of what you are doing, consider changing your attitude towards it. Often you will have to remind yourself of the important values of the actions you take. After a while, if you feel these actions are not sufficient, try to change your approach to something that will hold more value.
The same can be done with bad thoughts. If you find yourself thinking unkindly towards someone, you have the power to choose what you really want to think about that person for example. How will your soul benefit better, is it by thinking good thoughts or bad thoughts about that person? No one really wants to hurt someone else. Perhaps someone is deeply asking for love from us, that’s why he is behaving this or that way. But thinking bad thoughts, surely will not benefit your soul. Also here you have the option to shift your thoughts and find compassion and a positive attitude.
Remember, only engage in activities that bring you joy!
